Anna Zonen

What do you find the most challenging in working with people?

I think the most challenging aspect of working with people is when they don’t see or don’t realize their own self-worth, beauty, and that they have immense powers to move through unimaginable things. I wish they saw themselves as I see them – flawed, human, but incredibly capable of and able to continue living and loving.

What is most rewarding?

The most rewarding aspect of my work is the very human and genuine relationship that develops between two people (and in case of family therapy – multiple people). I was just thinking the other day about how extraordinarily blessed I am to know all these amazing people, to see them every week, to have been given the gift of knowing their stories – their greatest pain, their most fervent desires, and their joy. David White wrote in his book Consolations about friendship – which I think also relates to therapy: “The ultimate touchstone is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self: the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another.” To love my people and have their love in return is the most rewarding part. There is nothing like it.

Can you talk about the affect of spoken language on the human brain?

Words, their meaning, the context, and the tonality of how it is spoken is extremely important in human relationships. The old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” may not be as true as people want you to believe. On the contrary, we use language to communicate with each other and how it is used is extremely important on how the brain processes its meaning. Continued, repeated hurtful words (emotional abuse) creates a fear response system that may either always be on alert (fight/flight), in shutdown (freeze), or a combination of both – causing an over activity of the amygdala (the brains threat response organ) as well as releasing stress hormones into the anterior cingulate cortex of the brain.

How does the brain process what we hear and can that have physical effect on the body? In other words, can hurtful words bring physical pain, and can kind words heal?

I am not extremely versed on the science of how the brain processes sound but I do know that the brain encodes experiences (especially in early childhood) mostly in the subconscious part of our mind (implicit memories). Therefore, how someone spoke to us, how we received love, or what we didn’t get is coded inside of us – acting as a program in the back of our brain that works without us even being aware of it.  The harsh word of our boss may send us spiraling back to the reprimand of our father when we were 2 years old and cause us to react in anxiety and fear. Hearing those words over and over again in childhood could have created the meaning that we were never going to be good enough, or that we were bad and unlovable. This is all stored in our intricate physiological makeup and responses are triggered throughout our life (i.e.: fight/flight/freeze) – some – like rejection (social exclusion) creates the feeling of physical pain. Studies have shown that the brain responds to rejection very much like physical pain. Opioids are released and the same areas of the brain get activated with both physical pain and emotional rejections.

Kindness and love on the other hand act as a balm – our primary reflex is to attach and be in loving and secure relationships. Attunement, the feeling of “being gotten”, and authenticity and kindness are necessary to bring the brain back to safe and connected territory. 

How is overexposure to social media likely to affect  interpersonal relationships?

Social media can have both positive and negative effects in interpersonal relationships. On the positive side we are more able to stay in touch with friends and loved ones that are not near and keep up with their lives and well-being.

On the negative side – as much as it wants to “unite” – it greatly isolates us. We don’t have to go out as much and see each other, sit around a dinner table and have actual human contact with each other if we just “see each other” on social media. You can also be whoever you want to be on social media – and teens, especially perceive or cannot perceive what they see and what reality is. They have a hard time comparing themselves and wanting to live up to an ideal that doesn’t exist. They can feel socially isolated if they see their friends out with a bunch of people and they were not included. People can make assumptions about what they see and these assumptions can spill over into the “real world.”

How can we use art to process difficult emotions? 

Art is an amazing way to express difficult emotions – or – to translate something that is impossible to convey with words and logic. The expression of our artistic side is found in the right hemisphere of the brain – where creativity, intuition, imagination, etc. live – the left side of the brain is responsible for logic and reasoning.  Looking at this through a trauma informed lens – when individuals incur stress or traumatic events, those events are said to be activated and processed in the right side of the brain – the left side (logic/reason) tends to shut down and go “off-line.” This is why painful emotions are very difficult to process with logic and reasoning – because the executive functions incur a loss when this happens. Artistic expression is a much more powerful and intuitive way to access the deeper recesses of the pain and trauma. Sometimes without conscious awareness of what the person is creating and doing, they find an outlet through colors, symptoms, textures and symbolism to create the story of their pain.

If a person is used to holding back their feelings, or staying quiet as they get hurt, what would be some steps they can take to create an artistic outlet for their pain and create a safe space for self-expression?

There are a variety of things we can do to have someone that is having difficulty “opening up” or holding back to have more flow through art. Sometimes, I have individuals take a sketch pad and start drawing or doodling while they are speaking in session. Having the sequential activity of drawing while relating to me helps them feel freer and they tend to open up more easily. They can also draw their pain, or simply give it a color – which tends to open up more conversation around the meaning and symbolism behind the art. Drawing the masks they wear, or how they see themselves vs. how the world see them, etc. are all helpful ways to help others feel seen and safe when they find it difficult to open up.

In the context of social and emotional learning, how can we use art to turn our weakness into our strength?

The arts act as a conduit for creative self-expression when words are not enough to express what one is feeling. Therefore, the fact that a person has the skills, tools, and amazing creativity to use art in this expressive way is itself a strength!